Don’t Look Away

Posted on December 15, 2025 by marylbrandt

It’s a hard morning in the world today, a morning that follows a series of hard mornings. I feel like we are being inundated with surplus suffering, that our world is carrying so much pain. But as much as we would like to look away, it’s not what this moment calls for.

We need to nurture hope.

Last year, Rebecca Solnit wrote this essay about the despair many of us are feeling.. .and what to do in response to that despair. She helped me understand how to respond to feeling overwhelmed by darkness, how to reclaim our agency so we can shine light into the world.

Hope is a discipline, not a feeling. Which means, like all disciplines, it can be nurtured by specific practices – telling the truth, showing up, being angry (and using that anger appropriately), courage, and using stories to restore ourselves and our communities.

Tell the truth. We don’t have pretend things are ok or try to gloss over the horror of blood on a beach after a celebration of light, in fact it’s a disservice if we do.

When we choose hope we become part of the movement that boldly looks hatred in the face and says out loud “Not this.” When we choose hope, we hold space for others so they, too, can begin to see the possibility of change.
Mary L. Brandt

Show up, don’t give up. Presence is far more powerful than most of us give it credit for. Choosing to not look away is a form of presence. So are vigils, cards written to console, protests, prayers, and quiet petitions.

First of all, hope does not mean saying this is not bad, and it does not mean saying that we can defeat it. It just means saying we will keep showing up. That we will not give up.
Rachel solnit

Be angry. Rebecca Solnit quotes Rev. Dr. Renita J Weems who reminds us that “rage is a form of prayer” because rage is not primarily about anger, it’s about the love and care that underlies that anger. Use the anger as fuel to carry out what love demands of you.

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him,” GK Chesterson once wrote, explaining why it’s so easy to lose sight of the prime mover that is love.
Rachel solnit

“Make your mind an independent republic of hope.” This may be my favorite of these disciplines. Human beings are hard-wired for fear. We can’t change our primitive (and protective) fears…but we can choose to override them. Said a different way – We can let ourselves be “colonized” by fear (which is almost always what lies beneath hatred and anger) or we can courageously choose to be “an independent republic of hope.”

“Hope it’s not something you’re born with, it’s something you make. It’s something you decide. And then it’s something you do. You get up every morning and you make it again. The next day you put it on just like you put on your shoes.”
Barbara Kingsolver

Study the heroes. Remind yourself (and your fearful brain) that there are teachers of hope we can emulate. It’s not just about looking for masters of hope… There are heroes of hope everywhere. By all means read about the heroes of history, but don’t forget to look for small acts of heroism, too … acts of kindness or courage, signs of solidarity, courage in the face of oppression.

We learn who we are and our place in the world by telling stories. There is none more familiar or beloved than the hero’s journey, the tale of one who bravely decides to go into the unknown. It is a universal narrative, spanning time and culture. Yet as the spiritual writer Henri Nouwen once observed, “the most personal is the most universal, the most hidden is the most public, and the most solitary is the most communal.” Hearing another person’s courageous journey, we can’t help but consider our own.
Mariann Budde

Lay up stores of love, care, trust, community and resolve. The practice of hope, of refusing to give in to despair, requires great care. There are times when the darkness feels overwhelming, times when we all need to be able to access our stores of spiritual nutrition and support. Take care of yourself, build genuine community, and keep your moral compass in good working order for the times you will really need it. Make it a practice to collect stories of love, care, trust, community, and resolve, stories you can return to when your reservoir of hope runs low.

The Universe is made of stories, not of atoms.
Muriel Rukeyser

Portable Devotion, “Socialization”, and How to Eat Well On Call.

Posted on December 3, 2025 by marylbrandt

Portable devotion

What a fascinating journey this morning as I travelled 1500 years back in time (via the internet) to this medieval portable altar.

On my first roll of the digital dice on this website that randomly links to other websites, I arrived at a database of portable medieval altars, created by a historian whose research interest is “portable devotion”. Lots to think about here…

“Socializing” an idea

I suspect the word has been around for a while, but I learned that “socializing” has become part of “business speak” in medical centers and hospitals, as in… “Go socialize that idea with them first.”

It turns out this new vocabulary is just a new way of describing what great leaders have known all along…you don’t know what you don’t know.

“Socializing” a new idea starts with determining who might want to “veto” your new idea and then meeting with them, not to persuade them, but to learn from them. With each meeting you learn more which lets you refine the project and, at the same time, allows your organization to evolve with you.

The best thing I learned is that the concept now referred to as “socializing” came from the Japanese concept of Nemawashi (根回し)… “Nemawashi literally translates as “turning the roots”, from ne (根, “root”) and mawasu (回す, “to turn something, to put something around something else”). Its original meaning was literal: in preparation for transplanting a tree, one would carefully dig around a tree some time before transplanting, and trim the roots to encourage the growth of smaller roots that will help the tree become established in its new location.” (Wikipedia)

#CallFood

There are lots of people who spend nights in the hospital to care for others… physicians, nurses, techs, and many others.

Especially for trainees who work long hours, eating well when you are on call is not easy. There are usually few (if any) options available in the hospital, and when you are exhausted it’s hard to prepare and bring your own food.

But eating well is really important …. not just nutritionally, but emotionally as well. Here’s a link to the system I’ve found works the best, but deciding that Diet Coke, graham crackers, and cereal are not major food groups is the critical first step.

Link to “Things I Wish I’d Known From the Beginning: How to Hack Eating Well”

p.s. I post recipes that meet the “pizza rule” (less time to cook than it takes to order a pizza) on Bluesky, Facebook, and Instagram with the hashtag #CallFood.

p.p.s Here’s the recipe for my breakfast tacos (which are also the best 2am #CallFood you will ever have).

I’m Weary

Posted on November 12, 2024 by marylbrandt

Like many, this has been a tough week for me.

As a physician, I grieve for the possible loss of the ACA, the risk for so many children (and adults) if the science of vaccines is questioned… or worse, if healthcare policies are put in place based on politics and/or profit rather than science.

I could go on, but that’s enough. You get the idea.

Like all of you, I’ve been inundated with messages on social media and in the news describing the move away from so much that I hold sacred and dear.

I’m tired… and I’m weary.

So, today I’m giving myself a digital Sabbath… no news, no social media, nothing that amplifies despair, hatred, or othering any of my neighbors (and you are all my neighbors).

If you are struggling, try it. Turn it off for a day or two.

Turn on some music. Look for the helpers.

Onward.

You Need this Book So You Can Follow the “Pizza Rule”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by marylbrandt

No medical student, resident, physician (or any other healer) has much time to cook which is why I came up with the “pizza rule” i.e. you should only cook things that take less time than it takes to order a pizza.

I discovered a cookbook today written by one of my favorite cookbook authors that starts with this sentence… “Do you have 20 minutes to make a great meal?”

It’s an entire cookbook that follows the pizza rule!!!

Cooking real food for yourself, or in a group (i.e. 3-4 friends each cook a large batch of something every week and then split it to share) is not only healthier for you, it has a lot of other advantages, too. It’s hard not to be mindful when you cook which means you can make it a practice that helps calm and center you for the rest of your busy life. Cooking also means you are taking care of yourself, and that feeling of care goes a long way to soothe days where you don’t feel much care.

If you want to hack the process of cooking for yourself to make it easier, check out this post or this one.

p.s. The book is on sale right now on Amazon for $1.99

p.p.s Even if it’s not on sale, you should buy it.

p.p.p.s If you search for #callfood on my social media feeds (@drmlb) you’ll find other recipes that are delicious, healthy, and meet the requirements of the pizza rule.

Things I Wish I’d Known From the Beginning: How to Hack Eating Well

Posted on February 27, 2024 by marylbrandt

It is hard to eat well when you are a med student, resident or busy doc (also true for busy people not in medicine!). The key to eating well if you are busy is to have a strategy. You/ve developed strategies for studying to get where you are… so you have this skill set already! (Trust me, if you can learn how to take out a gallbladder or diagnose a complicated infection, you can learn to do this, too.)

As I’ve written before, here are the basic steps that you need to follow to eat well if you are “too busy to cook”:

Find recipes that sound good (but take less than 30 minutes to prepare)
Fill in a calendar with the plan for your meals (at work, on call, at home)
Make a shopping list
Shop once, then (mostly) follow your plan

For the last 6 years, I have used an app that make this process incredibly easy. Paprika is not free, but it’s money well spent. I recommend downloading both the phone app (which right now is $4.99) and the app for your computer ($24.99). Try the phone app first if you aren’t sure, but I think you’ll find the laptop version is more than worth the money.

The reason I think this app is perfect for healers, healers in training, and anyone who is super busy is because it takes the four steps listed above and puts them all into one place. It not only makes it easy to choose recipes, plan your week and shop, it almost makes it fun. Here’s how:

Find recipes that sound good (but take less than 30 minutes to prepare)

Click on the browser tab to find new recipes and download the ones that work for you. As you save recipes in the app, it becomes your own personal “cookbook” which is searchable by category, name, or ingredients.

Fill in a calendar with the plan for your meals (at work, on call, at home)

This was the first moment I knew this was a great app. All you do is drag and drop the recipes you want into the appropriate day. Wow.

Make a shopping list and go shopping.

This is when I was completely sold. When you pull up the recipes you’ve chosen, there is a little “hat” icon at the top:

When you click this icon EVERYTHING IN THE RECIPE appears in a shopping list. Click what you need and repeat for the week’s recipes and voilà – your shopping list.

Because this app is on your computer and your phone, just take your phone with you to the grocery store. As you pick up each item, click the box next to it to take it off the list. If you are sharing the app with your significant other or roommates, anyone can add to the grocery list or unclick things they have bought.

Try using this strategy (instead of eating the bagels, pizza, peanut butter and other “free” foods in the hospital) for a few weeks. I promise you’ll feel better, learn better, and have more energy to take good care of your patients.

(BTW – I have no ties whatsoever with the makers of this app!)

LIKE THIS:

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The Healing Power of Farmers Markets

Posted on May 6, 2023 by marylbrandt

Rituals have great power, but some more than others. For me, going to the Farmers Market has become a ritual that is almost as important as the food I buy there. So I spent some time this morning pondering why…

It’s outside. Sun, clouds, breeze. Sometimes a little cool, sometimes too hot… but always the season that matches the fruits and vegetables being sold that day.

There is music. And dancing… people dancing with children, children dancing alone, folks dancing in their wheelchairs.

Everyone is happy. Seriously. Not a dour face anywhere!

There is delight in the colors, odors, and tastes.. It’s beautiful… and that sensual beauty evokes all kinds of good emotions – delight, joy, and even awe.

It anchors you to the season. We don’t have peaches in January at the farmer’s market. So when they show up in May it’s a day of celebration! Eating what is being grown in the season keeps you somehow anchored to life around you and, according to some traditions, is better for your body. It’s certainly better for the planet, since this is food grown within miles of where it’s sold… not half way across the world.

You develop relationships with the people that grow your food. Lisa’s new tortoise gets a spectacular salad every day, so we chat about his salads and her goats. I get to practice my French with the Congolese farmers who grow their produce on an inner city farm developed to provide new refugees a place to farm. Some of the vendors know my name, most of them know and recognize me with a smile (even if they don’t know my name), and all of them are happy to share how to prepare their food and what’s happening on the farm.

And then there is the food. There is no question it’s often (but not universally!) more expensive to buy your food at the farmer’s market, but for the reasons above it’s worth it. But there is one other reason … which is probably the most important reason of all.

How to Harvest and Store Potatoes -- Harvest to Table

Photo credit

One of the very first times I went to a farmer’s market, I bought potatoes. I remember distinctly thinking that it would not be worth the extra money because “it’s just a potato”… but I did it anyway. Every potato I had ever bought in a store tasted the same as every other potato … so I didn’t expect these to be any different. Wow… I was SO wrong. A potato that has been pulled out of the ground the day before you cook it is absolutely amazing. A light went on. Fresh food raised in smaller quantities by people who are devoted to doing it tastes better. It just does.

Plant It Forward CSA shares ready to be picked up

There is most likely a farmer’s market near you if you live in a city, but if there isn’t you have a other options (The USDA Local Foods Directory is a wonderful way to find farmers markets, gardens, and local farms near you if you need help. )

CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture). Google “CSA’s near me” to find farms that make up boxes with small portions of anything they are harvesting that week to distribute to people who have signed up with them.

Community Gardens. If you love to garden (and you can spare a few hours every once in a while) you might want to actively participate – it’s also pretty soul soothing to dig in the dirt and grow your own tomatoes. But it’s also worth asking if you can buy any produce that isn’t otherwise promised.

A local farmer or neighbor who has a big garden. You don’t know unless you ask. Offering to buy some of their produce might end up being a win-win. They may have too much produce, need a little extra income, or both. And you end up with fresh produce and a relationship with the person who grows it!

A Hundred Words for “Tired”

Posted on March 1, 2023 by marylbrandt

It has been said that the Inuit people have a hundred words for snow. When you live in a dangerous environment, it’s important to learn the variations of snow to survive. But, when you look into the origin of the “hundred words for snow”, it turns out it’s not exactly true – Inuits don’t have more words for snow than other languages…Their detailed understanding of snow is a lived, not spoken vocabulary.

The same is true for those who spend nights awake working in a hospital. We, too, have a lived vocabulary that includes hundreds of subtle variations of fatigue, even though we don’t have words to describe them. (The closest I’ve come to being able to describe this fatigue is in “sleep equivalents”, specific events or things that makes you feel like you have had more sleep than you actually did. For example, a shower after being up all night can give you the equivalent of anywhere from 20 to 60 minutes of sleep depending on how tired you are. Brushing your teeth after a hard night of call is usually 5-10 minute sleep equivalent. A good strong cup of coffee can be as much as 45 minutes of sleep equivalent – although it’s important to titrate it so you don’t end up with anxious jitters instead of just being awake.)

Knowing how to manage this level of fatigue it is part of medical training. (Don’t get me wrong… I’m not advocating that trainees must get tired on a regular basis to “learn how to manage it”) Learning to successfully manage the fatigue of long days and nights on call hinges on two things and both have to do with deliberate choices.

Learning not to trust your first instinct if you are sleep deprived is the first important lesson. Even if it’s a drug you know well, or the chest x-ray looks ok, stop and be deliberate. Consciously review the data, look at the options and, for really important decisions, ask someone to look at the situation with you.

The second lesson in managing fatigue is maybe even more important. The bone deep fatigue of medical training is not solely the result of sleep deprivation. When you stay up all night you also lose the liminal spaces of waking and falling asleep, the threshold between night and day. In scientific terms, this means there is a major disruption of your circadian rhythms. But it’s more than just physiology. The drowsy moments between sleep and being awake take place in the liminal spaces of dawn and dusk. We lose more than orientation to daylight when we lose this liminal space. The Irish poet and priest John O’Donoghue, teaches that liminal spaces are moments and places where the spiritual touches the finite. By losing the profoundly important rhythm of rest – including these liminal spaces – we end up physiologically, psychologically, and spiritually unmoored.

You have to be deliberate here, too. By trial-and-error work to find the things that ground you, the things that help you recover in a deeper way than just catching up on the sleep. Make lists of anything and everything that helps you recover from call for the times you are too tired to remember or choose. Look at those lists before you leave for your call day and choose something to do for yourself when you leave the hospital the next day. It might be going to the gym for a light workout, having a great cup of coffee in a cafe, a slow, grateful walk outside, playing with a pet, a hug from a loved one…or finding a way to “play” outside.

May the sacrifice of time and sleep you make for others come back to you as joy … and may you find deep rest in knowing you make a difference in so many lives.

Making Sourdough Bread as a Resident (or anyone with a crazy work schedule)

Posted on June 4, 2020 by marylbrandt

I just waved goodbye to a dear friend as she started the drive to her new residency – with a jar of “Tamar”, my sourdough starter* in her cooler. I was going to print some instructions to send with the starter, but decided it might be better to put those instructions here for her – and for all of you who have thought about making sourdough bread (but think you are too busy).

Why bother?

This is a legitimate question. What I’ve learned from making my own bread during the pandemic is that it’s more than just having delicious, warm bread to sustain you. I won’t wax too poetic, but there are three reasons I think you should ponder baking your own bread:

A sourdough starter is a living thing who is there to help feed you
Making the bread is an act of self-care, a gift to yourself
This is a profoundly slow and deliberate act. Mindfulness doesn’t get any better than this.

So, if you are intrigued, I’ve thought about this for a while and here is how I think this could work for residents – even during a crazy 80 hour week.

Step 1: Get or make a starter

There’s a decent chance that someone where you work bakes sourdough bread. If they do, they will be delighted to give you some starter. It’s not a bad way to make some new friends and/or expand your circle of friends.

If you don’t find someone with starter, make your own. Sourdough starter comes from the bacteria and yeast that are in our environment so it’s a matter of mixing flour, water and time. If you want to help out some scientists while you make your starter, check out the NC State Sourdough Project.

Step 2: Understand the big picture

Sourdough starter is a living thing. You need to feed it once a week by adding some water and flour. Period. If you want to stop here and just have the starter around “in case” you decide to bake, this is all you have to do.
You are going to love the science of this. I’ll even predict you’ll end up using a scale to make sure your grams of ingredients are exact… but remember, as much as this will feel like science, its also how our ancestors made bread thousands of years ago. Don’t lose that perspective.. or that connection… when you bake.
It’s a four-step process with variations depending on the recipe:
- Mix the 4 ingredients (starter, flour, salt and water) to make dough
- Rise – long and slow. Overnight in the fridge, 2-6 hours on the counter. It varies by the recipe.
- 2^nd rise – usually. for 1-3 hours and in a container to shape the dough
- Bake

Step 3: Find an easy recipe to start with so you don’t get overwhelmed…

Here’s a really easy first recipe:

Mix the dough (1 cup starter, 1.75 cups lukewarm water, 5 cups of flour, 1 tablespoon of salt)
Let it rise for about an hour then stretch it out and fold it onto itself several times. The recipe says repeat this once an hour for a total of three times, but you can skip the 2nd and/or 3rd times if you need to.
Put it in the refrigerator overnight.
Flip it over, seam side up into a bowl or loaf pan (to shape it) and let it sit for 2.5-3 hours.
Flip it back over (seam side down) into your pan, slash the top to provide a controlled way to expand and bake.

Step 4: Map out a schedule

Let’s say it’s Thursday evening and you are off on Friday. Here’s how this recipe might work for you…

Thursday when you get home, mix the dough. If you don’t have time to let it rise on the counter for an hour and stretch it, just put it in the refrigerator. (Trust me, it will work). Take the starter that didn’t go into the recipe, feed it, and put it back in the refrigerator.
Friday when you wake up put the dough in a bowl or loaf pan and let it sit for 2-3 hours on the counter. This will mold it into whatever shape you want.
Heat up your cooking container (dutch oven, oven proof pot, tray) as you preheat the oven.
Put parchment paper on top of the bowel and flip the dough out of the bowl onto the parchment paper.
Use the parchment paper to lower the dough into your hot cooking container.
Score the top and bake!
(Don’t forget to let it sit for an “hour” before you slice it… no matter how good it smells)

It’s an art. Everyone has bread that bombs.

Don’t worry! Just keep the starter alive, regroup and try again!

If you find you are having issues with getting a good rise, it’s ok to put some dry yeast in as “insurance”. Poilâne’s famous sourdough includes it as part of the recipe, so it can’t be a “failure” in the sourdough world!

What to study next

If you are reading this, there’s a good chance you are Type A. You’ll probably get a notebook and treat this like a science experiment … like I did. Go for it! It turns out that even though sourdough bread has only 4 ingredients (starter, flour, water, salt) there are lots of variables that can affect the loaf e.g. temperature of the water, humidity in the room, etc. There is real joy in paying this much attention while creating something that is so sustaining. On the other hand, if this doesn’t make you happy, just make the bread!

Did I mention?… it’s not just bread…foccacia, pizza dough, pancakes… just wait until you find all the cool things you can do with sourdough starter and discard!

Blogs and websites that have helped me a lot

King Arthur Flour – Sourdough Baking: The Complete Guide (Check out their blog, too)

The Perfect Loaf

Here are some of my favorite books so far (all links are to independent bookstores)

Artisan Sourdough Made Simple, by Emilie Raffe

Do/Sourdough/Slow bread for busy lives by Andrew Whitley

The Tassajara Bread Book

Poilâne by Appolonia Pouilâne

Starter Sourdough: The Step-By-Step Guide to Sourdough Starters, Baking Loaves, Baguettes, Pancakes, and More

I wish you mindful baking and joy from your sustaining and delicious bread!

*There is a tradition of naming sourdough starters.

The Importance of Ritual in the time of #COVID19

Posted on March 23, 2020 by marylbrandt

If you are a healer (which I think is much better than ‘provider’, right?) you are going to work afraid, and you come home afraid… which is completely normal. Being brave doesn’t mean being fearless, it means doing what is needed despite the fear.

But in this fearful time and with the incredibly important work you are doing, it’s important that your home becomes a sanctuary, a safe place where you can let go of a little of the fear.

Let’s start with banishing #COVID19 from your home.

I know that the chances you have any virus in your house is slim to none, but let’s start with a (literally) clean slate. If you don’t have one of the commercial products known to be effective against COVID19, mix up a dilute Clorox solution (4 tsp bleach in a quart of water). Put it in a spray bottle, use a rag, but clean all the surfaces in your home. Be deliberate, be excessive, be sure that you’ve gotten all the surfaces that you might have touched.

Then the ritual

When you come home from work, the first thing you should see is a sign on the door you enter. It should be a reminder that you are loved, that you are appreciated for your bravery and your work … and that the first thing you should do is wash your hands!

Take off your shoes

If you have on the shoes you wore in the hospital, take them off in the garage before you go into the house. You may want to consider having a pair of shoes you leave at the hospital, but what ever pair is on your feet when you get home, leave them in the garage or at the door.

Wash your hands

Without touching anything in the house, go to the closest sink and wash away the day. 20 seconds. Soap. All the surfaces of your hand.

Turn on some music

Whatever inspires or soothes.

Take a shower

This really isn’t about decontamination, it’s more about ritual. Wash off the day – literally.

I’s important that your home feels safe to you when you come in from doing the hard work of caring for others. Following this ritual (or your own variation) will help sustain you.

Stay safe friends, and keep looking for joy. #EyesOpen

Resolve To Be Kind

Posted on December 31, 2017 by marylbrandt

I’m not a great fan of New Year’s Resolutions in general. Like all of you, I’ve made them and broken them more years than not. But that being said, I do think the new year is a time we should pause and take account of where we’ve been and where we want our journey to lead us. Or, put a different way, we can use the transition to a new year to think about who we are and who we want to become.

So instead of the usual resolutions to lose weight, drink more water, exercise, etc – here are three “resolutions” for medical students, residents and physicians that may be easier to keep this year. (If you aren’t in medicine, I think they still apply.)

Be kind.

Deliberately reset your intention to be kind with every encounter you have with patients or colleagues. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too.

Keep up with every day tasks so they don’t weigh you down.

Clean out your medical records, record your cases, prepare food for the next day… whatever it is that will free up time and emotional energy. Make a list of these tasks with check boxes and keep it on your phone so you can see it often. Clear the list every night to start over for the next day. Celebrate what you accomplished during the day and have self-compassion for the things you weren’t able to do.

Take care of yourself – physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Be deliberate in the choices you make to take care of yourself. Don’t get overwhelmed by the pressure of wanting to do it all. Know that some days will make it hard to exercise, eat right, be still, etc. That’s ok, but don’t give up. Make sure you do something for your own wellbeing every day.

The gift you give to others through your career is special – remind yourself often of the amazing work you do. Take measures to sustain your career so you can continue give to others and have joy doing it.

Photo credit