The following was sent to me after I reached out to a dear friend who had suffered rib fractures (and more) in a fall. I was so touched by his perspective and the potential power of these words to heal that I asked permission to post it here.
I’ll say the week started last Thursday, when I sucked it up and scheduled a host of delayed medical procedures, got blood drawn for an array of things, and planned a weekend of work plus my first attempt at cycling since surgery over two years ago – on the place the bike seat hits. I dislike medical tests because I hate to not make great scores on tests, and unlike other tests, it is hard to study for a cancer marker test or blood pressure test. But it was past time.
By Saturday, the weather was Springlike, and all I had to do before climbing on a bike was some roof leak patching. See earlier missives on Facebook about how THAT went. By Sunday I was pushing a morphine pump (almost without effect) wondering just how crushing my skeleton into pieces was going to be the big breakthrough I knew was spiritually on the way to this week. But not doubting the breakthrough at all.
I was too messed up to use even a cellphone, but the outpouring of love, compassion, caring, helpfulness, prayer, gratitude, and ICU humor was so huge I could feel it even through the opioid mist and, I am told, Olympic class pain. It continues even today.
Did you know that gratitude is one of most biologically and spiritually powerful “drugs” ever tested? It measurably switches genes on and off, by the thousands, but always in a good way. Well my gratitude graph is off the chart this week, starting with so many close friends and family. I have reconnected with several long loved dear souls, and connected with several new dear souls. If I had gotten on the bike, death or paralysis were likely outcomes, due to medication issues. If I hadn’t been in ICU, several hidden medical issues would not have been detected.
My beloved wife has almost slipped up a couple of times this week and let her secret wings show. I believe the modern definition of marriage encompasses humans marrying Angels, so I can still call her “wife”.
Then we get to medical tests. Cancer markers – none, again. Extensive CT scans necessitated by my air cargo disaster – no sign of cancer etc. Vertebrae, spinal or brain damage, or chances of dying of testicular cancer? Approaching insignificant. Crickey, my body acted like a crumple zone protected Volvo. Major systems were cushioned by minor (numerous and very painful) fractures.
Medical issues? Of course. But the extensive testing and freak accident have revealed reversible issues, including ones caused by my medications, which would not have been detected in the ordinary course of things. Issues that might have been lethal if I hadn’t gone to ICU and smart people put the puzzle together.
Closer than ever to my wife. Reconnecting with dear friends of all ages. Making new friends. Confirming that my former cancer is truly leaving the building. Re-prioritizing work, play, health, etc. And remembering that the only shortages of Love in this Universe are from people kinking the hoses. We could never use the actual, Infinite, supply. As I write this, I prepare to go hang with beautiful souls tomorrow and share some healing. Pain is just the contrast needed to highlight the transcendent, joyous, beautiful, loving ride we call Life. Since I really should be dead or paralyzed right now, every breathtaking twinge is a reminder to be grateful. Easy peasy.
I had to postpone an appointment with an old, wise, preacher I have known since childhood. I was talking to him on the phone about the combination of joy, gratitude, pleasure, humor and serious pain, and he said he would quote one of his old buddies who is used to suffering. He says”Hallelujah anyway”. I hurt myself laughing at that one, so, just “Hallelujah ya’ll!” Sums it up for me.
Peace, Love, Joy.
They are choices.